This Little Light Of Mine

I am helping with bible school this week, which has been really fun so far (albeit very tiring). It just lasts until noon, but I come home exhausted. How are people pregnant subsequent times? Though I intend to find out, I can't imagine doing this again with one or two kids already. Much less more...and while I don't intend to ever know how that works I do have a newfound respect for women who have done it. This morning, I pulled my hair up with a yellow pony tail holder, put on a turquoise maternity top, ivory earrings, jeans, and my powder-blue Chuck Taylor's. I stopped to look at myself in the mirror and thought for a moment that nothing I was wearing matched...then kept right on going. Because it occured to me recently that I don't care. And neither does anyone else. I thought (as I was dancing away to a pumped up version of This Little Light of Mine yesterday) that I am someone different. Sure, I danced with kids before at bible school's and summer camps past...but then I was cooler- a teenager, a college student. More of an older friend to those kids than a grown-up. But I realized at this bible school that to these kids, I am a world apart from the high school students and college students who are also helping. (Even to them I am sort of old!) And right in the middle of This Little Light of Mine, with my crew of kiddos dancing along with me, I realized that was okay. I like not being cool, and it's okay if they think I'm old. Because that means that I can stand on the front row, 8 months pregnant in a mismatched outfit and dance like a dorkwad. Because to these kids...I'm someone they can relate without a front, someone they are comfortable with, someone whose hand they want to hold...because to them- I'm just someone else's Mom.

I think, therefore I am

I think a lot. That may come of having so much time to myself (I have a minimum of 10 1/2 hours alone Monday-Thursday, and 4 1/2 hours on Friday). I'm not sure if being pregnant has caused me to think more or just changed what it was I thought about. Whatever the case, I've had two seemingly unrelated recurring thoughts (among many, many others) which have simultaneouly been addressed and altered recently in one fell swoop. One happy thought I'd reveled in countless times was how wonderful it was going to be to have my parents (who moved just last year to a little town only 45 minutes away from us) so nearby once the baby was born. It wasn't just free babysitting. It was having grandparents to come visit or go visit just for the day any day. It was having my mom minutes away just in case I needed something...like advice or company or an escort to the grocery store. It was getting to share the baby with them; knowing that they wouldn't miss a thing. Knowing they were right here somehow made parenthood seem less daunting and more relaxed and exciting. Second, I'd mourned (a few times to the point of actual tears) the postponement (or more likely the loss altogether) of our trip to Europe. As long as Josh and I have been together (almost nine years now) we'd talked about travelling to Europe together. It was always this fantastic trip we could dream about, look forward to and save for even though we could never actually get the plans pinned down. It was more the potential of it that we cherished, I think. "When we go to Europe we'll see such and such or eat this or that or go here or there..." we'd say. It was always something that we were going to do before we had kids, yet it was always in our future. Then, this year came and the unexpected home repairs and baby came with it and I realized one day that we weren't going to Europe afterall. Our vacation money-the money we'd saved for our big hurrah before we started a family was now our fix-the-roof fund and a deposit on our new A/C and the money we were going to have to spend on the family we hadn't really meant to start yet. And so, being my usual thoughtful self I thought about these things at length. I mulled them over and then thought myself out of being disappointed about Europe in lieu of being excited about the baby and grateful for the fact that my parents were so close.

Then, not long ago, we found out my parents are moving to Belgium. Yes, like the country Belgium...across the ocean. And I had something new to think about. My parents weren't going to be close afterall. They were going to be an 8-10 hour flight across the ocean and a seven hour time difference away. We won't be visiting them just for the day any day. My mom won't be just minutes away if I need anything. We won't even be awake many of the same hours a day so I'll have to email for advice and Soda and I will be going many places alone. We are going to have to share the baby with them from afar and no matter how hard we try there are going to be lots of things they miss. My Europe trip no longer seems implausible, though. Now we will have not only an excellent excuse to go (along with help with the cost), but also somewhere to stay for free and someone to keep the baby so we can travel elsewhere from there. Not to mention the experience it will be for my parents (who have never been to Europe and will get to see so much of it while they're there!) It's an exciting traveling and cultural prospect for all of us- including Soda. And it isn't as though they were moving there permanently. They'll just be gone a couple of years, so Soda will be too little to remember they weren't here for his beginning. And they'll be here to meet him. Mom isn't moving until after he's born and my Dad will be back for a couple of weeks soon thereafter.

So now I've been thinking about these things instead of the former and in doing so have tried to think myself out of being disappointed that they won't be here and excited instead for all the opportunities this move opens up! Still, some days that's easier than others. I suppose this just isn't exactly how I imagined things would be when we had our first child...but then again not much lately has been the way I imagined it would be, and it's all been ok. In all my thinking I've always realized that the way things are isn't up to me...it's entirely up to God. And while things aren't likely to ever be exactly as I imagine them, they're likely to be better in the end.

"For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,"

Romans 8:28a

So- all that being finally explained, Mom and Dad got to go to Belgium (to Hasselt- which is probably where they'll be living, though Dad will be working in Genk) for over a week to explore the area and do some house-hunting. They got back last Monday and came over this weekend souvenirs in hand! Here are the Belgian goodies we got: The little bottles with the shot glass are samples of a local specialty called Genever and don't worry- I'm not trying any. Chocolates, naturally...(I can vouch for their yumminess already); jewelry; and of course some adorable things for the baby- see the bib (from a store called Fred and Ginger- I love it!) and wash mitt (with an owl- yay!)...cute, right? That magnet, we've been told, says "He who laughs last, thinks slow." in Dutch- LOL. We had to get Dad to read it aloud for us since neither of us had ever really heard Dutch. He's really been trying to learn to speak it and to us his accent was great!

**Thank you guys! I look forward to shopping these cute baby places myself...with the baby! We're glad you're home again for now, but just knowing you're going back sorta makes me miss you already! :)**

I Thirst

I've been told that breastfeeding makes you thirsty. This makes sense. But I'm not breastfeeding yet- so what is up with this parched-ness? I am thirsty all the time. And I do mean ALL THE TIME. I rarely, if ever, have any desire to eat- yet, I am forever consumed with thoughts of liquids. I go to the grocery store and return with cases of water bottles or juices or popsicles that weren't on my list while food or household items that were on my list go forgotten. I think all day (and sometimes all night) about happy hour at Sonic and a half price large cranberry limeade. My day (and I mean this in the 24 hour sense because my nights are no different from my days anymore) revolve around drinking and peeing. I joke that surely this is one of Dante's levels of hell- where the condemned has a constant, unquenchable thirst combined with a perpetual, urgent need to urinate. Yes, everyone says breastfeeding dries you out...but no one has told me that the last few weeks of pregnancy do that, too. So how much worse can the thirst of breastfeeding be? I'll be sure and let you know.

What's In A Name?

No- we still don't have one. And it makes me feel guilty. Without one, the baby seems somehow subhuman, but it's simply too big a decision. I think I've shorted out thinking it over so much. While I always anticipated the name decision as being an exciting part of expecting a baby, it's turned out to be one of the worst. I hate it- which could be why we're at a standstill...and have been for, oh, six months or so. Girl names would not so much trouble...or maybe we only think that because we have to come up with a boy name...(the grass is always greener, right?). I can't imagine there's a parent out there who has done more name research than I have. I've always been interested in names- and I'd done plenty of name-searching in the past for characters in my writing, but this is something entirely different...and far more important. I've read for hours (and I don't exaggerate) about name trends (past, present, and future), name meanings and origins. I know the most popular names for the past 100 years. I've yet to have anyone suggest a name I haven't already seen somewhere in all my reading. The Social Security Administration has been an excelllent resource. It has beaucoups of name information and there is even a feature on their website where you can type in any name and find out whether it has ever been one of the top 1000 names (since 1880, I think). I read in an article yesterday that said the vast majority of new parents choose their kids' names off a list of the same 500 names. Of course, this shouldn't surprise me, since most of them come off the same list of 10. I just can't do that to our son. Be that uncreative; put that little thought into the moniker he has to live with his entire life. My baby (who will, let's not forget, one day also be a toddler and a little boy and a teenager and a young man, and an old man...God willing...and throughout those stages will still have the same name we give him the day he is born) is going to be special. For the life of me I cannot fathom how parents look at their new baby, think he is the most special baby ever born, and then give him the same name half the other people in the maternity ward that day gave their "most special" new baby. I won't sentence Soda to a life as one of a million. I don't want him to be forever Jacob A. or Aiden A...just one in a sea of others people can only remember from one another by their last initial. I don't want to be too trendy, I don't want to be too weird, I don't want people to mispronounce his name, spell it wrong, tease him about it, shorten it to a stupid nickname. I don't want him to sound perpetually four or forty or eighty-two. I don't want him to have bad initials; I want his name to mean something to us and to him. I don't want to look back five or fifteen years from now and wish I'd named him something else. While I can't bring myself to name him something off the top ten list (or the top 1000 for that matter), I don't intend to do something too out there either (like give him a trendy or common name and spell it in some ridiculous way- i.e. Aydin or Jaycub) or name him something too hippie like Banjo or Cedar. (Though I have to say I like those last two better than most popular names.) So what's a name-conscious mommy to do? I can find something wrong with every name brought to the table...and it's becoming depressing. As a last ditch effort, I sat at Books-A-Million yesterday with a decaf coffee pouring over baby name books (to no real avail). My favorite, though, was one called A is for Atticus which had some great literary baby names...just fyi, if you're looking. It isn't that there aren't names I like...it's that there isn't a perfect name. I'm convinced we'll have to settle...and that makes me sad. And frustrated more than anything. Shakespeare wrote, "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet," but would an Aiden or a Jacob or a Josh and a Randi be the same people they are by any other name?

Need some name resources? Start here:

babynamewizard.com/namevoyager
ssa.gov/OACT/babynames

On a very happy Friday note, I am super-excited to announce that I just heard baby Anniston's heart surgery went "GREAT!" (and that's a direct quote from her sweet mommy- who it seems is doing well also)! So many prayers on their behalf have been answered in the past couple of days and we're so very grateful!

As for news from the Anderson pregnancy- there isn't much as usual, but I thought I'd say that our meeting with our prospective pediatrician went extremely well. Though I had a couple of others on tap to visit with in case we had trouble making a decision, we decided after meeting Dr. Hunter we'd just keep her! She came highly recommended, and we mutually decided that we couldn't imagine what else we'd be looking for in a pediatrician- she seemed wonderful and spent lots of time answering questions with us. (I had a whole list!...yeah, I'm one of those moms.) We really enjoyed talking to her, and there are several doctors in the practice (I've heard good things about a number of them) that will see our baby in the event Dr. Hunter can't one day. There's a very efficient phone tree system that diverts calls to nurses and aides depending on your needs during and after business hours, and they have separate well-baby waiting rooms so I don't have to sit waiting with our infant around sick toddlers. The waiting areas themselves are adorable- very colorful with big blocks of colored linoleum on the floors, different colored sponge-painted walls, clouds on the ceiling, rainbow leather seats and big aquariums in the center of each waiting room. No fabric so everything can be wiped off...I found this to be quite the consideration. Everything felt clean...and I like that a lot! Dr. Hunter also recommended this book (which I promptly went out this morning and purchased.) I've already read through the first 117 pages. For being a pretty large reference book it only cost $20 (minus my 10% BAMM discount, plus tax came to $19.49) which I thought was a bargain. It covers everything...I wish I'd had it before now! Overall, I was really glad we did the meeting with the pediatrician ahead of time. I have much more confidence knowing we've met with her and having seen the office, etc. before we actually take Soda there. He'll be in good hands, I think. We also came away with a new-parent goodie bag of samples and pamphlets which was very much fun to sift through!

Have a happy weekend!

Two-Fer Tuesday

Yesterday, was not only the first night of our Childbirth Prep Class, it was also La Leche day! Our local chapter of La Leche League (llli.org) meets the first Tuesday of every month so I attended my first meeting yesterday morning, and very much enjoyed it. There was another mommy-to-be there and a few women with kids already (one woman with 4!). Basically, we just spent two hours talking about mommy stuff. Tessa, our leader, had a list of questions new moms might be asking themselves and everyone just brainstormed about them. I got lots of practical advice and it was nice to just hang out with some other moms. Plus there was plenty of fresh fruit and animal crackers. :) I think I'll go again. Josh calls it The Milk Union, which makes me laugh, but it was much more than just breastfeeding support. However, there is a ton of valuable information for breastfeeding mothers on their website. (see link above)- like you can look up your state's laws regarding the practice and I even looked up what different state's laws are regarding breastfeeding and jury duty. Who thinks about that stuff?
Course 1 of Childbirth Prep went well too...just about as expected. It's taught by a nurse named Theresa who turned out to be very good at what she did...and funny, too. There are twelve couples (that was the limit) in our class most of whom remind me at least vaguely of me and Josh. We're divided evenly- six of us are having boys, the other six girls! Only one couple is due before we are- July 1st. The rest are more like late July and August. We did practice our breathing and massage techniques, but this isn't lamaze. It's very comprehensive. We have a book, but all the important diagrams, etc. she has blown up on posters or actual tactile aids (like a fake pelvis and baby-in-a-uterus!) She even had weighted backpacks for the guys to take turns wearing backwards so they could sympathize with all the expectant moms! We're supposed to have three 2-hr courses. Our two hours were full ones last night! We're going over different methods of labor and delivery, fetal monitoring, medication options, comfort measures and the role of the coach (which was heavily emphasized in last night's class), c-sections, our hospital's policies, and what to do with your newborn once you get it home...and we're supposed to get to take a tour of the maternity ward so we'll know where we're going when we go into labor! So far, I haven't learned anything I didn't already know...except that Good Shepherd (the hospital where we're having the baby) delivered 2,398 babies last year...interesting, no? But then again, I've been a bit overenthusiastic about research over the past few months. Other people- clearly not the pregnancy scholar I am ;) had lots of questions, though. Josh seemed to enjoy it, too. It's like being back in college for a couple of hours! I'm looking forward to next Tuesday!!
Finally- two-fer Tuesday continues with two birth announcements! Congrats to our friends Stan and Lindsey who's daughter, Anniston, was born on Monday... she's in Pennsylvania now for heart surgery so please keep them all in your prayers. Their story is such an inspirational one...you can follow it here.
And congratulations to our friends, Alex and Meagan, who's daughter, Sadie, arrived yesterday here in Longview!
We're so excited for you guys and we can't wait to introduce our little guy to these two sweet girls!

Lady-In-Waiting

I figured up just now that I've had 12 OB appointments since November including my appointment today. I suppose I'll probably have four or five more at the most. 37 days on the countdown! Today's appointment yielded nothing new to speak of. I lost a pound since my last appointment :0 (which sets me back to having gained 21 pounds instead of 22). I even wore the same clothes I wore to my last appointment--so it can't be blamed on a difference in wardrobe. No one seemed concerned, so I am not either. All other measurements were right on track. It's just a waiting game now...and it's boring. I'm pretty much finished with work for awhile. I'm closing my online boutique and taking a hiatus from The Art of Happiness blog. We have all but about two things ready for bringing the baby home. We even put the bassinet together in our bedroom (complete with motion-sensor baby monitor all set up). All the things that need batteries have them installed. I have a laundry room and freezer full of groceries to eat in the post-baby weeks (I even researched what I should eat while breastfeeding so that I could have convenient and appropriate snacks on hand). I do intend to spend a few days cooking a couple of meals to freeze. I have the ingredients for lasagna and I found lots of great freezer recipes I want to try here: http://www.momsbudget.com/freezerrecipes/index.htmlI also purchased extras of other household items we might need (toilet paper, paper towels, soap, deodorant, toothpaste, paper plates...) so those would be a few less things we had to think about for awhile. I took Gatsby for an annual check-up and got heartworm pills for a year and I've also purchased stuff to make food for him for several weeks. I have washed baby blankets, towels, outfits, caps, socks, washrags and sheets. I've taken tags off of some clothes and toys and removed other items (like pacifiers and thermometers--yes, plural...I have two thermometers-you can't be too careful) from their packages so they are ready to use. I have two diapering stations set up complete with anti-bacterial hand gel and diaper rash cream. I have read countless books and articles about pregnancy, labor, delivery, your newborn's first 48 hours, circumcision, diapering, swaddling, the baby's first weeks, the baby's first year, vaccinations, feeding...(we even took a 3 hour lactation course at the hospital). We begin a three-class course called Childbirth Prep tomorrow night. I've arranged a consulation with the baby's pediatrician for this Thursday just to meet with her and ask some questions. I'm hoping to maybe squeeze in an infant/child CPR course even though I've been certified in the past. I've designed birth announcements and typed up a list complete with addresses of everyone I want to send one to. I plan to have envelopes stamped and addressed in the next week or so. The house is as neat as it's ever been. I spend much of my time keeping it that way. I am practicing always having the house as perfect as possible...exactly the way I'd want it to be when we bring the baby home so that no matter when he decides to arrive we won't be caught off guard with, say, dishes in the sink. I've been over several birthplans online and have decided what's important to me and how my ideal labor and delivery would go, but am not planning to type one up to take to the hospital in the interest of being flexible when the time comes. I filled out all the necessary paperwork to donate the baby's cord blood, I've pre-registered for our stay at the hospital so all we have to do is show up to have him, and I have his bag all packed and ready to go. (While I don't have anything packed for me or Josh yet, I do have detailed packing lists made out.) I'm still awaiting cushions for my glider...which I hear are going to be ready early this week. We'll see- I'm anxious to get them...they're the last thing I need for the nursery! So, you see, I've planned myself into a place where now...I've literally nothing left to do but wait. Just wait.
*So if you think of anything I've forgotten or failed to consider...please let me know! :)